What We've Learned in the South

WHAT WE'VE LEARNED IN THE SOUTH

-A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road
-There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in South
-There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in South
-If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha
-It is not a shopping cart, it's a buggy
-People actually grow and eat okra
-There is no such thing as 'lunch.' There is only dinner and then there is supper
-Iced tea is appropriate for all meals, and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar
-Backwards and forwards means, 'I know everything about you'
-You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're done or it's too dark to see
-You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH EM
-You measure distance in minutes
-You switch from heat to A/C in the same day
-The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and high school football
-You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday
-You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit 'a bit warm'
-You know all four seasons: Almost summer, summer, still summer, and Christmas
-You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chili weather